My wife is prettier than you(rs)

I know that may sound slightly rude to some, so allow me to clarify...

If you are a female: my wife is prettier than you.
If you are a male: my wife is prettier than your wife, or girlfriend, or dream girl, or your mom.

I do not mean to offend anyone, and realize there may be some dissenting opinions. Those opinions are incorrect however. If you want to argue about it I'm willing. If you want to fight about it I'm willing. I'll meet you at the tennis courts after school. You will get hurt. There may be some of you bigger and stronger than me that could "beat me up." My wife will still be prettier than you(rs).

I'll share with you a short list of some of most stunning features. The nape of her neck. (That means the back of her neck, but really her entire neck) It is so delicate and graceful. Her hands are soft, small, and fit perfectly in mine. Her feet are similarly dainty. Her stomach is flat. Her legs are incredible. Her shoulders are soft, smooth, and a great resting place for my head. Her chin is darling, her lips delectable, her eyes heart-stirring. Her all-embracing femininity is intoxicating.

I love how she looks in her green "K" sweater, or her red skirt. But she looks equally alluring in sweatpants and an oversized Exxon t-shirt. I love that she does not like bugs, and asks me to kill them. I love that she does not like sports, but plays flag football, and knows who The Dream is. She likes to make things beautiful (like our house) and is great at it. She loves GOD, and tells me about him.

Pretty, beauteous, pulchritudinous, elegant, delightful, lovely, adorable, stunning, alluring, gorgeous, mesmeric, statuesque, angelic, resplendent, ravishing, sublime. These words aren't enough.

As if she wasn't the most adorable girl in the world already...she got a new haircut that eliminates all hope of anyone else coming close to that title.