Who's next?

I go grocery shopping at least once a week. I wouldn't say I enjoy it, but I certainly don't mind this errand. I usually go to the store close to my house. When the contents of my cart allow, I use the self-checkout registers. I'm pretty quick and as a child I often dreamed of being a checker at a major grocery chain. (The first part is true) The self checkout is an easy choice over the traditional lane for me...When there is no one else at the self checkout. If there is not an open scanning station, there could be problems. I understand that it's still a relatively new application of technology in the retail food stuff environment. BUT....come on people. I should not have to wait 20 minutes to buy my can of shaving gel. None of you should either! Part of the blame falls on the store, part on the employees, and part on my fellow shoppers. So to clear things up, here are a few rules, or ideas, or observations regarding the self checkout registers, and the expected behavior when using (or planning) to use them.

In every store I have seen, there is a sign indicating something like "Express self checkout 15 items or less." After midnight when all the other lanes are closed, it is obviously OK to ignore this sign. But at other times too? What's the point of the sign? Do people not see the sign? Do the employees not see the people with 2 full shopping carts in these lines? Do I ever break this rule? Yes, but I'm really fast. Solution: take down the sign or enforce it. Don't leave it up there teasing me with unfulfilled promises of speedy "express" checkout.

Since we have licenses for driving, registration for voting, examinations for professional titles, etc. I propose a test before you can use the self checkout. Stop laughing. LOTS of people would not pass. Someone could make money hosting seminars on "How to Pass the Self-Checkout Exam." Sure it takes a few times to become well versed in the process. I didn't know what to do the first time I used it, or bought produce with no barcode, or wanted stamps. But the basic procedure should be understood before you get in line ahead of me and make me wait. Pick up the item, scan that item, put it in the bag, THEN pick up the next item and repeat. It is WAY too difficult for some people. And that is OK. That's why they still have checkers at the other registers. Solution: You must be at least as smart as the equipment in order to use it, smarter is preferred.

The problems do not start at the registers however. In the traditional checkout line, an orderly system easily develops: one shopper behind the other. I have never seen anyone cut in line at register 7. If Joe gets in line after Larry, then Larry gets his purchase processed before Joe. This is NOT the case in the self checkout area. Most setups include 4 stations for scanning. Confusion seemingly abounds when it comes to determining who is next. Among my observations: choose 1 of the 4 occupied stations and walk right up behind (the closer the better) the person currently using it, OR choose a side and wait for 1 of 2 people to be finished, OR join the group of people standing around the area and wait for the next spot open then try to run over there before someone else gets there paying no regard to the fact that they were there before you. The configuration breeds this confusion, but some common courtesy should prevent someone from waiting for 20 minutes (at one station, or side, or in the mob) while 3 people walk up and checkout at another station. Right? "You were obviously here before me, and are following the posted guidelines of having no more than 15 items. Please go ahead of me since I have 47 items, and just walked up here." Solution: standardize this queuing process. Reconfigure the stations, design clearly marked waiting lines, or have an employee act as a register usher.

But that's asking a lot of the employee right? It would seem so. I'm not sure if working the self checkout registers is a reward or punishment for the employees. Are these the best checkers they have? Or trainees? If I push the "call cashier" button, and there is no cashier there to hear it, does it make a sound? Actually I don't think it is designed to make a sound. I pushed it the other day for the first time because the scale did not notice that I had indeed placed the greeting card I just scanned in the bag, and not my pocket. The employee was right there watching me. I looked at her for about 15 seconds before pushing the button. We stared at each other for another 30 after I pushed it. I said,"Can you help me out here?" She quickly did so. The button does nothing. Solution: I don't know. I'm sure they are trying hard at what is probably one of their first jobs ever. Get rid of that button I guess, and fine tune the scale.

If everyone would follow these guidelines (at least when I'm trying to checkout) the world would be better. People would have more time to spend on other errands or with their families. Customer satisfaction would rise. Kroger stock would soar to new heights. The economy would improve. Gas prices would drop. The Rockets would go on a 20 game winning streak. The Texans would do the right thing and draft Reggie Bush.